How to give constructive feedback that motivates rather than demotivates

Feedback lands differently when there's relational trust. Invest in regular positive interactions, show genuine interest in their success, demonstrate care for them as people. Never let feedback be the only time you have meaningful conversations. The "relationship bank account" must have deposits before withdrawals. People accept hard truths from those they trust want their success.

Replace "You're unprofessional" with "You arrived 15 minutes late to the last three client meetings." Focus on what you directly observed, not interpretations or labels. Include context: when, where, what specifically happened. This makes feedback actionable and reduces defensiveness. People can change behaviors; attacking character creates shame and resistance.

Connect behavior to consequences: "When you arrive late to client meetings, I worry it signals we don't value their time, which could impact the relationship and future business." Explain both business impact and how it affects you or others. Help them understand why this matters beyond arbitrary rules. Impact creates urgency; rules create compliance.

After sharing feedback, ask "What do you think would help?" or "How could we prevent this going forward?" Their solutions are more likely to stick because they created them. Offer suggestions if they're stuck, but position as ideas, not mandates. Problem-solve together. This builds ownership and respects their intelligence and agency.

Don't sandwich criticism between hollow praise, but do maintain perspective on whole person. "I've noticed this pattern around meeting prep, which is different from your usual thorough approach to client work." Reference their strengths authentically. This reminds them one area needing work doesn't define their entire value or capability.

Check in after feedback conversations: "How are you feeling about what we discussed?" Acknowledge improvements you notice. If issues persist, address them promptly rather than letting resentment build. Feedback should start conversations, not end them. Your follow-through shows the feedback came from care about their development, not judgment.