How to facilitate difficult conversations about performance

Don't wing difficult conversations. Document specific instances of concerning behavior or performance: dates, situations, impact. Review previous feedback to show this isn't new. Clarify what outcome you need: improvement to specific standard, acknowledgment of issue, or transition out of role. Anticipate their reactions and questions. Preparation prevents being caught off-guard and shows you're taking it seriously.

Don't ambush people or have these conversations when they're stressed about something else. Schedule dedicated time, be clear it's about performance, and give them time to prepare mentally. Meet somewhere private where you won't be interrupted or overheard. Never criticize performance publicly. Allow enough time—rushing a difficult conversation makes it worse. End of day Friday is terrible timing; mid-week mornings are better.

Avoid the "sandwich" method or excessive preamble. State the issue clearly and early: "I need to discuss concerns about your meeting our project deadlines." Direct doesn't mean harsh—speak with care and respect, but don't bury the message in niceties. Ambiguity creates confusion about seriousness. They should leave knowing exactly what the problem is, not confused about whether there even is one.

After stating the issue, ask open-ended questions: "Help me understand what's been happening from your perspective." Listen without interrupting, defending, or immediately countering. There may be context you're missing: personal challenges, unclear expectations, broken processes, lack of resources. Understanding doesn't excuse poor performance, but it informs what support or consequences are appropriate.

Define exactly what success looks like: "I need to see all project deadlines met for the next 3 months" or "Customer satisfaction scores need to increase from 3.2 to 4.0+." Agree on support you'll provide: additional training, revised workload, more frequent check-ins. Set review dates to assess progress. Put it in writing. Vague improvement plans fail; specific expectations and support enable success.

Don't have the conversation and disappear. Schedule regular check-ins to review progress, provide feedback, and adjust support. Document these conversations. If improvement happens, acknowledge it enthusiastically. If issues persist despite support, escalate consequences: formal warning, performance improvement plan, role change, or exit. Consistency shows you meant what you said and care about their success.